I've been thinking a lot about fear lately. I think the thing that scares me most in life is feeling helpless. Having myself, my business, or someone I care about in a bad situation and feeling like there's nothing I can do.
The most helpless I ever felt was when I was 16, I remember lying under a bridge by my favorite creek, crying and feeling like I had to get away from the situation I was in, but like I had nowhere to go. I didn't fully get away from that situation until my 30s. Looking back I realize there were probably friends or shelters I could have turned to for help, but I was so young and scared and felt like I had no options. I felt completely helpless. Today I realize there are always options, it's just fear often blocks us from seeing them.
Fear has such a dual nature. On one hand we have fears because our mind and emotions are trying to protect us from things. But on the other hand fear can be paralyzing, painful, blinding, and block you.
As I've started streaming more on twitch people have been commenting about how fast I draw and paint. Today I realized it's because I simply don't get blocked and I don't worry about messing up. I'm not scared of the blank page when it comes to drawing or writing. It's not that everything comes out. I KNOW I WILL MESS UP. Some drawings won't come out. They'll need to be re-drawn. Pages will need to be rewritten. But it's all fixable and being afraid of it not being perfect only makes me tense... which slows me down and MAKES me mess up more. I don't get blocked because I am not worried about doing things right. I just DO them. If I need to I DO THEM OVER AGAIN.
I still have fears, but I know I'm NOT helpless. And IF I feel that way I can ask for help, try to get perspective and ideas. Scary things have also turned out to be the most rewarding things. So it's fine to be scared, just don't let it stress you out, slow you down, or stop you from building a good life.